it's been awhile.

I read an article in the newspaper today commenting on the phenomenom that we call MySpace. Apparently it is now used to memorialize the dead--to dwell on words of the past, thoughts of the past. In essence, you can keep someone preserved as their nine-teen-year-old self.

This really creeped me out.

I've been thinking about the Internet lately...it's a tool to quick intimacy and quick history. You can talk to a boy on instant messenger and suddenly feel as though you "know" him through and through. What is typed is not necessarily analagous to what is thought and what would be said, in the tone you would say it in.

How many hours have I wasted on instant messenger reading everyone's away messages? How many good person-to-person conversations have I lost due to flirting with someone on a multisync LCD 1765 monitor? And facebook...what have I gained from it? I do like the photoalbum tool, but I think it has brought me more harm than good in the end. It's got temptation written all over it---what you do, what you discover, can be used to your own "advantage" and knowledge is a dangerous thing. Yes, there's the understood temptation of "lust" and "stalking" ex-boyfriends and hopeful boyfriends-to-be. There's so much more though...I catch myself perusing through other girls' photoalbums, comparing myself to them. she is prettier, she is taller, she is skinnier, she is more athletic, she is more brunnette. it's ridiculous the things I can dwell upon. and there's the larger temptation of seeing who has the most "appealing" profile...who professes to be the most "cultured" or "out-doorsy" or "poetic" or "emo..." the list goes on and on into oblivion.

I am prone to this. I am the type to both quickly compare myself to anyone and quickly jump on an opportunity to procrastinate. I'm not going to brush it off as "normal" or the "college thing to do," even though both may be truths. I do this because my heart is prone to wander, prone to do whatever I please even if it may be detrimental to both myself and others. What have I gained from facebook? What friendships have I formed? I certainly haven't been brought closer to people through facebook...the "real" things are left for the real world...face-to-face conversation or "old-fashioned" (pshaw) telephone calls. Facebook...is good for joking and romanticizing...which i'm not labeling as "evil" (they aren't) but (for me) are dangerous.

I've been thinking of 1 John 2.
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

it's important that one understands the distinction between the created world and the fallen world. John classifies the "world" as those things that a) are marked by sinful cravings b) involve covetousness and c)involve self-absorption...boasting about who you are, what music you like, what you have done, what you dream about doing, etc. God lavishes us with worldly blessings so that we enjoy them; it is not "evil" to be excited about a dramatic thunderstorm or finding a five-dollar bill on the sidewalk or (gasp gasp) writing on someone's facebook wall. But i've got my head SO stuck on my conception of "the world" that i'm missing out on these blessings and i'm not looking towards eternal things. fellowship with christians, spiritual growth...and CULTIVATING relationships (especially with my family) rather than aggravating them (which is what inevitably happens with facebook).

It saddens me that, via the Internet/computer/blogs/saved emails I can rehash old hurts, dwell upon old sins...and totally forget about forgiveness. moving on.

Yes, so I'm a hypocrite. I'm writing this on a blog. The point is, I don't want to go back and read and "meditate" on this...over and over and over again. I hope that other people can relate to my thoughts...i hope i spark some sort of thinking or pondering or reflecting. If not, that's alright too.

I like writing. I like photography. I pray that God can show me how to use these in healthy, effective, God-glorifying ways.