new

how unfortunate. i have not written any entries in quite some time.

It's sad that my desire to write these blogs has diminished the past few days. I must say, it's good to be back. It's real good. right now i am dazed, wondering what sorts of things this semester will bring. who will i meet? who will i hurt? who will hurt me? who will become my bosom buddy? will there be a bosom buddy? what kinds of things will i do on saturday nights? will i go dancing this semester? will i get certified in belay? how will i treat God? will I slump back into a nasty depressive episode. darkness, such darkness.

I don't think these things simultaneously, constantly. I am not plagued by worry. (well, i am a bit, but isn't that normal?) I guess i am more or less curious, impatient, anxious, intrigued at the thought that an entire new semester is about to begin and it is going to be full. rich, i do hope.

it's weird that so many things right now are new, but i feel paradoxically at home. at ease. like i've done this college thing every day of my life. I have a new roommate, drea, who is fantastic, if i do say so myself. then there's the new room, 643. new suitemates (also very welcoming), new classes (intro to photojournalism!!!!!! that deserves at least 4 exclamation points), new resolutions, new circumstances.

it's nice that one thing is constant, and unfortunately that One Thing is someone i have been neglecting the past few weeks. there's a verse in proverbs that i was reading like three seconds ago when i was feeling guilty about not really reading the bible lately. anyways, i interpret the "she" and "her" referred to here as giving into my selfish desires...coveting, i guess. i think i'll change some of the words slightly to make it more personal.

Now then, Courtney, listen to me.
Pay attention what I say.
Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray to her paths.
Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.

-end of proverbs 8

i need to go read the bible now. time to brush my teeth, turn out the lights, go to sleep.

current mood: unsure? with a bit of happiness...liking drea and the new semester thus far. impatient...wants to be in the middle of things, not the beginning (i.e. classes).